Ave Maria Mediations
Another year closed. As I look back on the year, I see much pain, much suffering, and great joy. It seems to me, that in spite of my sinfulness, I have come a little closer to Christ; I see His face a little more clearly. And, seeing His face, I see myself a little better. Here, as I pause and look deep into my heart, I must admit to a feeling of fear and near trembling. The graces given to me were many, so many were God’s gifts to me! And how little use I made of them! How loudly I have spoken throughout this year of the faults and failings of others, especially the clergy. And how little I have done to correct my own. Lord, have mercy! I have, in the depths of my heart, suffered in my pride, and I’ve mistaken these sufferings for some real woe. How little do I know of the elusive virtue of humility. And yet, one look within may ought annihilate me completely!
All I have to say for myself, as I look at the past year, is that I have tried, alas very badly, to love and serve God, and through Him, my brothers and sisters. I could have and should have done better. Alone, dear Jesus, I cannot. But with Your help, I will try again. I want to be very still, not even praying with my lips just to sit at your feet, my God, and listen to the great silence in which You seem to whisper to my heart.
There are so many things I want to hear from You in that silence; yet I must go back into the rush in turmoil of life. But, as I think of it, I see a way out. And that is to keep deep in my soul within the rush and turmoil that great silence and peace in which alone we poor mortals can clearly hear Your quiet voice. We are so weak that alone we cant do nothing, not even keep silent in our souls in order to hear Your voice.
For the new year that comes so full of possibilities of serving You, I ask three gifts in memory of the three wise kings. I asked for protection for my son, for the grace of that silence that would allow me to hear Your voice, and for the courage to do as Your voice will guide me. Amen.
The Servant of God, Catherine De Hueck Doherty
